However today was not meant to be. There was not a democracy sausage in sight, and I'd fallen off the system.
Today, I got to the point where drawing a dick and balls on my ballot paper was an apt representation of how I felt after an hour of waiting to vote. (Don't worry, I didn't do it.)
When I arrived at the local school, the line was curved around the street; hundreds of people standing in the sun while flyer-distributors shoved paper in their faces, because hey, some people may like that kind of thing. A volunteer ALP flyer-distributor told me the line was long, but not as long as it had been, and I could expect to wait about fifteen minutes.
It took me about twenty minutes to get to the front of the queue - time I spent ignoring the obnoxious One Nation flyer-distributor - but I had this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that this wasn't going to be so easy.
How did I know? I'd fallen off the system before.
Three times. Three times I had been screwed around by the system.
And the goddam sausage sizzle was out of sausages! I was about to experience the most frustrating federal election voting process of all time, without having had a democracy sausage.
Expecting as much, I happily joined another queue - a much shorter one - prepared to cast my vote the hard way.
This is when it all went to shit.
After another half hour of waiting, and still about ten people away from being able to cast my vote, I stood in a queue of people who were being looked after by two volunteers. Eventually, that dwindled to one because a handful of women decided they were sick of waiting and began 'playing' on various knee and ankle injuries.
I'm not even kidding.
One whole volunteer was utilised to only serve those who felt they were unable to wait in the queue any longer because it had just become to much.
This is about the point I thought - I could be at home right now cleaning the shower. In fact, the shower seemed more appealing than the future of my country.
One hour in, I was still forty minutes or so away from casting my vote. I'd already started picturing the angle placement of the inappropriate drawing I was now contemplating using on the ballot paper.
Just when I was beginning to think it couldn't get any worse, a volunteer (let's call her volunteer scatterbrain) began sending voters from a separate queue (absentee voters) to our only dedicated volunteer.
Needless to say, an extremely pissed off voter in my queue told the woman off and all hell broke loose. Yup, it got to the point where people had to intervene. Turns out, volunteer scatterbrain decided we were all in the wrong queue, got really confused, wandered back and forth for a few minutes while we all waited to hear our fate, and then admitted she was wrong.
In short, several people from the absentee queue had just been bumped, pushing my voting time to approximately two hours.
That was when volunteer scatterbrain decided to start serving voters from the tail end of my queue.
And I'm not even kidding.
At this point, a dick and balls was about all my vote was going to be worth, so I left. I walked straight out the door and didn't even vote. Honestly, I was thinking that if I'd fallen off the system - again - how was I even going to get a fine?
I'd spent half my morning waiting with not one democracy sausage in sight and walked out without voting in a country where it's compulsory. I'd even witnessed a scuffle.
And I wasn't the only one who left without casting their vote.
For those who are scoffing in disgust, I went back. Five minutes before closing, and I even refrained from drawing a dick and balls.